10 things you should never do in bed
What not to do during sex
If we cast our minds back, we can all think of things we wish we had never done in bed. Those times when we accidentally shouted out another person’s name or asked our partner whether they thought your dad might like a hammock for his birthday. In this top 10, we’ve put together the worst things people have done in bed and show you the things you should never do if you want to ever have sex again. Take a look and see if you can spot anything you do on the list.
Things you should never do in bed: Cry
Even if you find sex a beautifully moving experience or you’re feeling really sad, there is no excuse for crying during sex; even if it is just one, silent tear. Crying in bed makes your partner uncomfortable and it also will make them question their abilities in bed. Plus, crying is not sexy and makes even the best looking man or woman unattractive.
Things you should never do in bed: Laugh
Even though sex is really, really funny one of the worst things you can do in bed is laugh. You really shouldn’t laugh when someone takes their clothes off, or laugh when they try to talk dirty. You shouldn’t laugh when they do that weird orgasm face or when they attempt to do a sexy, provocative dance. If you feel like you want to laugh, think of very sad thoughts because as soon as you let out the smallest of smiles you’ve smashed any trust and self-confidence your partner had.
Things you should never do in bed: Check the clock
Remember, when you’re in the midst of a night of passion keep your eyes locked on the action. Never, ever dare to check you watch or clock; even if sex feels like it is going on for an eternity and you have a really early meeting booked in for tomorrow morning. If you’re struggling to stay focused, try giving them instructions on how to spice up the sex.
Things you should never do in bed: Compare
Imagine that the guy or girl you really liked was finally in your bed naked and as you start to pull out your best moves, they say to you, ‘Oh, my ex didn’t do it like that and they were really good in bed’. Ouch, it’d be like a verbal arrow to your ego. Try to keep any comparisons outside the bedroom as they have no constructive place between the sheets.
Things you should never do in bed: First time confession
There is nothing wrong with being a virgin and you should definitely tell the person you’re planning on sleeping with that you haven’t done the deed before. However, you should never tell them during sex. It can be a bit of a blow and it is definitely something you need to discuss before.
Things you should never do in bed: Plan your dinner
Although sex can become a little repetitive, don’t plan your dinner whilst you’re doing it with your guy or girl. They will know that you’re not concentrating on the job in hand. When someone’s mind is elsewhere we all instinctively sense their lack of focus and realising that you’re boring your partner when having sex is crushing.
Things you should never do in bed: Fart
It is never okay to fart during sex. It is one of the most unattractive things you can ever do, whether you’re a guy or a girl. Even if you think its okay to let rip because you think this one is going to be silent, remember the aftermath and that lingering smell. Avoid passing wind at all costs if you want to avoid being kicked out of bed.
Things you should never do in bed: Check Twitter
Unfortunately, you can’t get away with checking your Twitter account whilst having sex. Even if you’re doing the reverse cowgirl and you think you can get a sneaky peak on your phone, you will get caught and be promptly dismissed from the bedroom. Just think, the more you concentrate and participate in sex the quicker you can get back to the Twitter-sphere; #missedyoutwitter.
Things you should never do in bed: Impersonate
The bedroom is not the place for jokes or impersonations. Although we know that you meant your impersonation of their sex face to be funny, the chances are the other person will take offence and you’ll have an unhappy, upset and potentially deflated guy or girl on your hands. Take our advice and leave the impersonations for dinner parties and talent shows.
Things you should never do in bed: Pressure
Although you can laugh off most embarrassing moments and mishaps that happen during sex, pressuring someone into doing something they don’t want to do is unforgiveable and not funny. Sex is a sensitive issue and everyone is different when it comes to doing new or adventurous things in bed. Always ask how the other person feels about something and never, ever pressure someone when you’re in bed.