How to flirt
Top ways to flirt well
Even if you think you’re a great flirt, that view may not be shared by others — so you could still do yourself a favour by checking out our tips on how to flirt ... successfully.
You either think you have it or you don’t — that ability and confidence to interact successfully with those whose attention you are potentially vying for. Flirting is that method of letting people know that you’re available or interested in them — although of course there are plenty of people out there who like to engage in some outrageous flirting who may be far from available!
Flirting, if done properly, is often the way in which you send signals (hopefully the right ones) to a potential partner. Even if you think you’re a great flirt, that view may not be shared by others — so you could still do yourself a favour by checking out our tips on how to flirt successfully!
The right mood
One of the most important aspects of successful flirting is being in the right mood. There’s little use forcing the issue if you’re not really in the mood for engaging someone in conversation. A good flirt will feel good about him or herself, have a general sense of fun about them, and have a healthy curiosity about people. Only when you feel good about yourself can you pass this energy onto others!
If you’re going to flirt, there’s no point being a complete phoney about it. Okay, you will feel the need to make a good impression, which may cause you to be phoney — but people will easily see through someone who is being fake. Be sincere if you are paying compliments to someone, as it makes it so much easier for them to believe you and for you to act more naturally. Also, try listening to show you are interested in them, rather than just using them to talk at.
A smile is one of the basic ways of conveying positivity to someone. A smile costs nothing and shows instantly that you are warm person and quite possibly genuinely interested in the other person. Your smile will suggest that for one special moment the recipient of your smile is the focus of your attention. People who very rarely offer a smile are likely to be least successful when it comes to the flirting stakes.
Body language is one of the obvious ways in which we convey an interest to one another — although reading that body language is sometimes akin to trying to follow a foreign language! You should certainly try to use expressive and positive body language where appropriate, though, as it can be a far more effective method of communication than speaking. Also, a touch on an arm or leg can say more than a thousand words — although it’s important to get the balance right so as not to send the wrong signals.
People who lack confidence will have great difficulty in making direct eye contact with another person and holding that gaze. We’re not talking about overly staring at someone because that will quite rightly freak them out — but holding your gaze for a just a second or two longer than you normally would shows another person that you are interested and a confident person.
Don’t appear desperate
Some people approach a situation with a ‘success or failure’ mentality. If you focus too much on getting a ‘result’, then you may just come across as desperate. Why not just concentrate on engaging on someone in conversation and seeing what you can do for them to make them feel good about themselves? Putting someone first rather than concentrating solely on making a good impression will actually mean you make a better impression!
Have a go!
Being scared to put your flirting techniques to the test means that you have failed before you’ve even started. So, get out there and have a go! Also, don’t take rejection hard, but think about what you could do differently next time. Consider that it might not be your technique that has failed, but instead that it was just wrong for that person. People often give up when they don’t get immediate results — but instead of doing this, you should look upon things as a learning experience and have another go.
Not everyone flirts because they are attempting to pick someone up. Some people like to flirt by way of just being friendly, and others do so because they are seeking attention. On the other hand, some people may find flirtation to be unwanted, and won’t welcome your attention. If you’re not sure about this, ask friends for advice, as they can often be the best at telling you when your behaviour is too over-the-top and likely to be misconstrued.
Avoid cheesy lines
There’s always the temptation to come up with the killer chat-up line, but these very rarely work and usually have the opposite effect! Most people will have heard the tired and worn chat-up clichés before, so they won’t do you any real favours. Just being natural — maybe even by starting with a simple ‘hello’ and a smile — can elicit a different response to the reaction a worn-out cheesy chat-up line would get.
Give off the right vibes
It’s not much use sitting there with a group of friends waiting for that special one to find you. Make sure you look friendly and give the other person the opportunity to approach you by separating yourself from your friends occasionally. After all, it’s going to take one very bold person to approach you at the risk of being turned down in front of a group! Also, try asking friends what type of vibes they think you give out.
Make the first move
The traditional view used to be that it was the man who always made the first move, but many women now make the first move instead. As scary as it can be to make the first move, just think how flattering it can be for the other person. From time to time, there’s no reason why you can’t be the one to initiate a conversation. Just think how many opportunities you might be missing out on just because you fail to be bold enough!
Reject people in a gracious manner
Even if someone is not your type, there’s no need to reject them in a savage way. In fact, if you do that, then it’s likely that other people around may pick up on your ‘attitude’ and be less likely to approach someone they view as ‘full of themselves’. You should view being approached by someone as a compliment and have the grace to reject them in a charming manner.
We’ve probably all come across people before who make us feel uncomfortable because they are in our ‘personal space’ — and some of these people may not even be aware they are doing it. Sometimes people can be just a little too close for comfort and you naturally want to back off from them — so it pays to be aware of people’s reactions to your closeness, so that you don’t put them off with an overly invasive move.
Get flirting …
Being a successful flirt often comes from learning experiences — and you will almost always find out what techniques are successful by simply practising your flirting with people. Flirting is really a case of being confident, not taking rejection too hard, and being genuinely interested in the other person. Often just being a good listener can be more appealing than someone who just likes the sound of their own voice! Enjoy your flirting!