Healthy Living by Kirstie_McIntosh

Okay, so last week Santa was bad for our health because he's a fat, drunk driver, and this week it's Christmas in general. Yup, the Christmas season is actually a minefield of hazardous danger, which for many results in a trip to A&E rather than a slow slip into inebriation on the sofa.

So, what do you need to be careful of?  Wrapping paper cuts, falling down the stairs whilst wearing comedy slippers, blindness induced by brightly coloured festive clothing. Okay, so that last one I made up, it only applies to my co-workers, as today I am wearing redder than red tights, which in retrospect look more like festive football socks than the 'Little miss Christmas' look I was trying to achieve.

Anyway, I digress; here are top 10 festive dangers to avoid this Christmas, which several unfortunate individuals experienced last year.

• Exploding Christmas tree lights causing small burns to eyelids and eyeballs
• Zips caught on eyelids as people struggled to try on a new jumper - I am assuming this jumper must have been tremendously exciting for the individual involved.
• Burns from the oven - most probably whilst struggling to manoeuvre and/or baste a turkey the size of dog.
• Older people choking on their turkey
• Nasty hand and limb injuries caused by people trying to get stones out of avocados. You see, there is reason to keep your prawn cocktail simple.
• Eye injuries from Christmas tree branches sustained when reaching to get presents.
• Children poking themselves or others in the eye with new toys - Accidental of course...
• Glitter fragments in the eye from cards or craft activities.
• And this one is my personal favourite...
• Dry eyes from sleeping with eyes open after excess alcohol consumption... Now, wouldn't it have been easier to just get some Optrex?

And if we are going to push this accident awareness to the extreme, holidaywatchdog.com cite the following slightly more random and morbid Christmas statistics...

• 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
• 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the Christmas lights were plugged in.
• 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all the pins from new shirts
• 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
• British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
• 101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
• 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
• A massive 543 Brits were admitted to hospital in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
• 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
• In 2000, eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the loo.

So, realbuzzers, please be safe this festive season - I want you all here, preset, correct and entirely unscathed after Christmas.

PS Santa, if you are reading - reference to your weight and alcohol habits in the outset of this post are neither my opinion or view. I can guarantee that this year I have been an exceptionally good girl, my only misdemeanour being an exceptionally bad taste in coloured tights.