08/03/09 Completed a 8.33 mile run in 1 hour, 12 minutes and 04 seconds

Sundays run did not go well. It should have been a day full of hope and glory, but it wasn’t, far from it. It was a day, which at best could be described as pushing me further along the experience curve.

It started off well enough. I woke early, had my breakfast and a cup of coffee, and took the first of my glucose tablets in preparation for the long run ahead. I’d learnt from the week before the ill effects of energy loss, and I wouldn’t be making that mistake again. I had 15 miles of running to do; I would need all the energy I could muster.

As the morning pasted I took regular glucose tablets and even had a few isotonic sports drinks. I wanted to make sure I was extra prepared for the today’s run, no more messing around, I’d prepare like the experts.

I had intended to set off early, but ended up settling into the Andrew Marr show, before I knew it The Big Question started and Country File was next. So eventually I started running at 12 O’clock. But no need to worry, during the last 3 hours I had consumed a whole packet of glucose tablets and 3 isotonic sports drinks, I was literally dripping with energy. I was like a freshly recharged battery; if you touched the top of my head or souls of my feet you’d have burnt your fingers.

I set off more prepared than I have ever been; with a fresh pack of glucose tablets, brand new sports drink and covered in Vaseline.

I’d decided to take a glucose tablet every 2 miles and take regular sips of my drink as often as possible. I had a long way to go and I was determined to make no mistakes this time.

2 miles pasted without incident - apart from the usual feeling of being completely knackered. It was only just after the 4 mile mark that something strange happened. I started to hear a rumbling from my stomach, accompanied by rather painful stomach cramps. No problem – I will push through the pain. Did I expect running the marathon to be easy? Of course not, onwards.

The pain subsided and I carried on for another 3 and a half miles, dedicatedly taking another glucose tablet at the 6 mile point. It was only at this point I realised the terrible error of my ways. All the glucose and sports drink had reacted in my stomach to form a highly explosive mixture. I was like a huge bottle of pop, which had been shaken for the last hour. My belly was gurgling like crazy and I was bent double in pain, all the time being propelled forward from gas being expelled from my body like the exhaust on the Batmobile.

I was still half a mile from home, and I needed to cover the distance fast. My insides were about to explode. I noisily sped along, leaving behind me a rather unpleasant scent trail.

Then after 1 hour, 12 minutes and 4 seconds I finished my run sat on the toilet, left only to contemplate were it had all gone wrong.

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