Time Out by Simon_Doyle

Sometimes training can be a real strain. I've read that weightlifters can give themselves piles just by straining to lift dead weights, but now I've heard it all - weightlifting can force you to give birth during a training session.

I know it's the silly season, time for miracle virgin births and all that malarkey, but I just don't see how you can give birth while performing a clean and jerk and not even know you were pregnant.

I suppose weightlifting gives those like myself who were brought up on a diet of Carry On movies a chance to go overboard on the double entendre and quippage, especially when there's techniques involved called 'snatch' and 'clean and jerk'. "Not arf", you can just hear Bernard Bresslaw say with Sidney James cackling in the background.

Anyway, back to the Christmas baby. Chilean Olympic weightlifter Elizabeth Poblete popped out a baby boy during a recent training session, and like countless other woman didn't even know she was pregnant. She must have put the lack of womanly periods over a nine month period down to her training regime (or maybe it was the training 'supplements' that were responsible for the weight gain and general belly bloating?)

On a more serious note, the little fella was born 3 months premature and is currently in intensive care, so you hope this little Christmas miracle has a happy ending. Perhaps mother and baby might earn a place in the Guinness Book of World records for a record lift performed while popping a baby out.

The most bizarre, and non-filthy record I've found (Ping pong balls anyone?) for popping things out, is the Eye Popping record held by a Brazilian. The amazingly skilled Claudio Pinto can pop both of his eyes 4 cm (about 1 and a half inches) or 95% out of their sockets. "It is a gift from God, I feel blessed" said Pinto, who must feel like all his Christmases have come at once being gifted with that particular one.

He's somehow never quite going to make the Olympics, although Simon Cowell might be able to make a TV star of him yet in time to get him the Christmas number one for 2010 with a cover of Frankie Valli's "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" or some other eye-tastic musical offering.