Yes I am still here!!

Posted on: 25 Aug 2015

Good afternoon to my fellow buzzers (although I am a bit of a slacker in the buzzing department - can I still call myself a buzzer!!) - I hope you are all well.

I'm afraid I am very, very guilty of not even logging onto here for weeks so sadly so far behind in all your blogs & everything that you have all been achieving or about to achieve but going to try and have a catch up session over the next few days as I know there are great things afoot this coming weekend! But for those that know me know what has currently been happening in my life & halted a lot of 'normal' life at this time!

Mum is still in Witney hospital after her stroke in May (I can't believe she has now been in hospital for 3 & half months!) - so life is still an ongoing daily routine of working & hospital visits not leaving time for much else as the days are so busy. We are currently in the process of waiting for her home care to be finalised, we have had to have some minor work done in her house to allow for equipment to be bought in. I try and not let this get to me but when I go to her home and see a hospital bed and hoist etc waiting there for her I find it so upsetting and feel so sad that her final weeks/months or however long she has left will end this way. It all seems so unfair. It also seems to be 1 step forward, 10 steps back with Mums health to enable her to come home. When she seems like all going slightly better, another infection hits her and knocks her back again so I feel like we are no further forward than when it first happened. It is so distressing to see her like this and her quality of life is so poor now, she can hardly do anything for herself and basically just stuck to a bed and she looks so sad all the time - it's utterly heart breaking & I am finding it very hard to take it all in. As we do not yet know what the future holds for Mum or how long this future is going to be we are trying not to think of that and just spending as much time with her as we can. That is why me & Mr B decided to withdraw from the Snowdonia Marathon in October, we were both totally gutted by our decision and I felt like I was letting myself & others down but now I know it is the right descision for us, we know we can't put our lives on hold for ever and have to get some nomality back but we don't know what time Mum has left so the decision to not go was an obvious one on reflection. As some of you put on my FB update, Snowdon will always be there, sadly family won't!

My son Kieran is doing OK after the death of his Father in April, he obviously misses him very much & still trying to come to terms with what happened but he has coped so well and I am so proud of the way he has dealt with all the sadness so far this year. He achieved 3 A* in his A levels and off to Bournemouth Uni in Sept (I will not cry, I will not cry......I will!!) but I am so pleased for him and it will be an amazing time for him. Hopefully this will the start of a happier time for him.

So in regards to running I have managed to get out a few times for some smaller runs but I am ashamed to say nothing here to brag about but it has felt good when I have been able to run, but my running mojo has still not fully surfaced - hopefully it is still inside me somewhere!!  I am hoping when/if (do I even want to think about the "if") Mum finally comes home we will be able to pick up the training as we won't be dashing to & fro to the hospital which seems to take up all our time at the mo. I also feel shattered most of the time & not always eating properly, as easy to grab rubbish food when you're on the go or too tired to cook, but now trying to get back to a healthier eating plan which will help with my energy levels I'm sure.  

On a happier note me & Mr B were both contacted by the British Heart Foundation last week and offered a charity place for the VLM 2016.  We applied to them after Kierans dad died in April and also as both my Dad and Stepdad died due to heart related problems it seemed only fitting that we run in their memories, so whilst it will be an amazing opportunity to run London again I know it will also be a very emotional day for me & it will probably be a bit of a blub fest at the finish line. The fundraising will no doubt be hard but we might not get this chance again as can't rely on a ballot place so will have to face that challenge as well.

Anyway I have taken up enough of your time for now but thank you for reading my latest blog and also thank you to all the buzzers (you know who you are) that have been supporting me via FB through this awful time for us as a family - hopefully better times are ahead for us.

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