Dead or Alive
Vic and Bob!!
I think between them they still haven't touched on just how much the start of 2017 has got me spinning round.
I feel like I'm spinning plates and juggling whilst riding round on a unicycle in a spin class on a roundabout 😃😃.
2017 is off to a flying start 😊. A strange start. A most delightful and unexpected lovely wonderful start 😊.
I am totally bewildered 😃😃.
Im like a rabbit in the headlights and my brain is struggling to function properly at all 😳.
Mrs B - well - the former Mrs B - she's acting pretty weird if you ask me. Then again, her weird behaviours were driving me to the point of making me think I must be going mad - so let her carry on. Everytime I see her now I just think "thank heavens I am out of it".
She's in a ridiculously mad rush to get the divorce through the courts. It's weird. She wants to be on her own, got no intentions of being with anyone else, so why rush and have it cost a load of money when we could have done it cheaply after a couple of years apart? I'm sure she's just trying to cheat me out of money that I'd never have gone after anyway 🤔.
Just shows how little she knew me. Then she wouldn't know me would she - she wouldn't f*****g talk 😡😡!!!
I'm so bamboozled by all that's going on I can't even read the bloomin' forms - let alone understand what I'm being asked to fill in😳. I know that's why we have lawyers - but I wouldn't flippin need one if she weren't in such a stupid hurry!
I'm trying to find a house - there's not much you can get for the size of mortgage I can afford, but hey, there's still things out there, and the sooner I get fixed up the better. Viewings seem to be difficult to arrange, Saturday the only day I really can, and so it seems, the same for everybody else. I've hit another stumbling block with proving my ID, passport long expired and driving licence lost ☹️.
Car needs tax and MOT and I know it's going to fail ☹️. Not been able to get the work done in time because time has run away from me so fast - and I've been clinging to my pennies for the deposit for the house 😬😬.
Speaking of running, 26 days in January I popped out for a run. Some good, some bad, some really really short, some hilly, others not, some including plenty of wiggle walk, a race, or was it two? Lastnight, I was running pretty good, there was some fluidity in my movement and it made me want to have a crack at a 10k. It was the fastest and the furthest I have run since I hurt my knee 😁.
Probably did too much, the fizzing sensation was back pretty quickly after I stopped running, but 10k got demolished in 47 something. I must have been in damn fine shape when I PB'd at 42 whatever it was. Dont know if I will ever see a time that fast again 🤔.
Work has been chaotic. Many have been the days when I've needed to make a call or do something relating to things outside of work, but I've just been so swamped and busy that I've ended up forgetting, day after day after day 😩.
Long time Realbuzzers will know that I have spoken of depression before. Though I feel nowhere near it, certain symptoms are kicking around. I think its just because my mind has been so full 😬.
I've been to the supermarket for my shopping, and not been able to remember what I went for, so I've come away with nothing, which isnt really right. I've had urges just to drive around randomly at night, but its an urge that when you satisfy it, brings no satisfaction at all ☹️.
Luckily for me though, it aint all doom and gloom 😃. Truthfully doom and gloom are a million miles away from where I feel I am right now 😊😊.
In fact it would be fair to say I haven't felt this happy in a very very long time 😊😊😊!!!
Perhaps that's what my brain is struggling with - it's been flooded with happy chemicals and its not having to go running to get them 😁.
There is a real story to tell here, but perhaps it will be better told in the book I was trying to write, rather than in the blog.
Can I just say for now that on 3 of the 5 days I didn't run in January, simply being with who I was with has given me a depth of joy, of happiness, of contentment, that no amount of running, even out there on my favourite hills, could ever truly match 😊😊.
You know who you are, and I know that you will read this, so I'll say it you direct:
I've had the greatest time these last 3 weeks, each time I have seen you has been better than the last, and I really did not expect that - it truly has been the loveliest surprise 😊. I wasn't ready for it, far away from ready for it, but boy oh boy am I enjoying it, and I can't wait to see you again 😘😘😘.
Blimey what a change of life!!
From suffering the strains of cohabiting with a wife who had denied me sex for so long I simply gave up asking 😔. From suffering the indignity of coming home to find wife and child eating their tea and her saying "oh I haven't made you any, I didn't know what time you'd be home" (same time every day, an hour and half later on a Tuesday) 😔. From suffering the sadness of living with a woman who slopes off to bed at 8:30 at night and doesn't even bother to say goodnight 😔. From suffering a woman who thinks washing should be separated not by colour but by ownership 😔. From suffering the impossibleness of living with someone who behaves like they've been kicked but then when asked says "nothing's wrong" 😔. From suffering the sheer rudeness of someone who makes themselves a cup of tea and doesn't even bother to check if you would like one 😔.
From suffering the absolutely draining hostilities of a life where she who is meant to be your partner, the greatest member of your team, the one who took vows that promise to help, support, encourage, the same as you promised those things to her - when that person changes so completely from your best friend into your foe - and can't even be bothered to try to tell you what it is you're supposed to have done wrong - all it does is drain you. What was meant to be love has become a war and it sucks the life out of your soul 😔😔😔😔😔.
Thank heavens I was lucky enough to meet one special lady back in March last year who, unbeknown to her, opened my eyes to just how desperately sad my home life had become. I think she'll know who she is. I think some of you Realbuzzers will too (Hi Jo 😊😊).
Thank heavens at the start of August, I was lucky enough to meet another very special lady, she definitely will know who she is. The one, the only one, who could see right through the mask of happiness that running puts upon my face. The one that said of me that I'm her "perfect person", but also that "there is nothing worse than meeting the perfect person at the wrong time". I wish her well whatever path she takes in life, and I hope she finds the happiness she definitely deserves. (She wouldn't want me to reveal her identity, so respectfully I won't).
Had it not been for these two ladies, I would not have found the strength to leave.
The former Mrs B thinks I cheated. I absolutely never would. Just shows how little she knew me. Then she wouldn't know me would she - she wouldn't f*****g talk 🙄🙄.
Had it not been for running - I never would have met these lovely ladies.
Had it not been for running - I never would have reconnected with Joanna, my friend from 20 years back who I ran the Chester Marathon with in 2015.
Had it not been for Joanna inviting me to her landmark birthday party, then I wouldn't have reconnected with the awesome woman who is making me so happy now 😊😊😊. She knows who she is. Won't be long I don't think before you all know who she is too.
Could it be fate?
It's certainly a weird twist of fate that I'll now be doing the Chester Marathon once again, only this time I'll be doing it with Clair, having met again thanks to Joanna (see, told you it wouldn't be long 😃😃).
I'm a little bit scared, a little bit anxious, a little bit wondering when the bubble is going to burst, but I am hoping and I'm praying that it won't. See I've been in love with her before. My bubble got burst that time, and then along came Mrs B.
This feels very much like the right person and who knows if its the right time? Who cares? I have a second chance for which I'm very very grateful, and if you asked her she'd say the same. I looked deep into her eyes on Sunday morning and I know exactly what I saw there. I like what it was I saw. I like it very much 😊.
Let's just see how it goes for now eh? Take it one step at a time.
See there it is again! One step at a time. I have mentioned this before:
Life is running, running is life 😊😊
Get out there and enjoy the both of them!
And if something needs to change in your life, then may you find the courage to do it, and may you get it done fast - because once you've turned that corner - although you go through pains to get there - it's amazing how much better things await you - better than you'd imagine or expect 😊😊😊.
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