Just checking in!!

Posted on: 02 Jun 2015

Hello all,

I can't believe its been over a month since I last visited RB and wrote my last blog. I am so far behind on all my reading and catching up with what everyone has been doing, well to be honest I havent read any blogs for weeks so my apologies for this. As for running - well again it has been totally non existant for me!!

As many of you know my last blog was not the happiest of blogs due to the fact that the father (Rory) of my 17 year old son (Kieran) had suddenly passed away. As we had to bring his body back from Malta where he lived & worked the funeral arrangements took longer than normal so it was almost 3 weeks before we could set the funeral date. It was an awful time for everyone involved especially Rorys parents and Kieran. Just dreadful & so hard to take it all in. My very brave boy wanted to see his dad in the funeral home to say goodbye so we went together and it was utterly devastating to see my son so upset. As a parent you just want to take your childs pain away & my heart broke for him. But I have never been as proud of him as I was at that moment as it must have been so difficult for him but he handled it so well. And although me & Rory had parted long ago we were still very close and I still loved him for being Kierans dad and it also broke my heart to see him this way.

As a family we were still trying to come to terms with what had happened and then the day before Rorys funeral I popped over to see my mum as I do every day as she now lives alone (we only live 4 doors away). I have a key so usually let myself in but on this morning she had left the key in the door so I couldnt open it. she sometimes has a mid morning nap (she is 87) but knew she was up as the TV was on. Initially I wasn't too worried but after 5 minutes or so when she still wasn't answering the door I started to panic slightly. I know it sounds silly but I was thinking "what if I call the emergency services and they turn up and she has just been in the loo or something, I will look a right fool and will have wasted their time" It was then getting to about 10 minutes and really starting to worry. I was running round the house looking in all the windows and then when I got to a small window round the back I could see her lying on the kitchen floor, I can't even begin to tell you the emotions that I went through in those few seconds. I thought I was going to be sick. Obviously my first reaction was to ring the emergency services who I must say were amazing. The police were there in about 5 minutes & the paramedics about 5 mins later.  The police had to batter the door down to get in, by then I was totally hysterical as didnt know what condition they were going to find her in. My hubby Tony was also home from work by this time after I'd called him & he went in with the paramedics. Those few seconds seemed like hours but he came back out to say she was concious. Initially we left the paramedicas with her as didnt want to get in the way but then went in to see how she was. They had managed to lift her onto a chair but it was so awful to see her, she had cut her head when she had fallen and looked so frail and vunerable. As she had been baking before she fell whatever was in the cooker was burnt to a cinder and had started to smoke so thank god I had gone over when I did that morning and not left it any longer!!! I don't even want to imagine that scenario!!

By then Kieran had also come over as he had heard the ambulance come round but I didn't want him to see his Nanny like this so got him to wait outside with my sister who had also arrived by now. I must admit I thought that maybe she might have just had a fall but when the paramedic said he thought it was a stroke the news hit me like a bullet. I kept asking myself "Why were we going through all this" - we still had the funeral to get through tomorrow and now my poor Mum.  

The paramedics soon had her in the ambulance and took her off to the JR hospital in Oxford. We followed up but there was not much we could do as the next 48 hours were going to be crucial to her initial recovery from the stroke. We waited until she was transferred to the stroke ward and asleep and then headed back home as we had the vigil that evening for Rorys body to be bought into church  before the funeral the next day.

How we all got through the funeral (blimey Rorys parents & Kieran were so very, very strong & brave and although very sad it was a beautiful service) and the next few days I dont even know, I was averaging about an hours sleep every night & not eating. I was like a walking zombie & didn't think I had so many tears inside me. We hadnt even started to grieve for Rory and then had to deal with what happened to my Mum.

She spent the next 2 weeks in the JR and has now been transferred to the stroke ward at Witney Hospital where they give special post stroke care. Although she still has her wits about her and can talk OK, she still has no feeling down her left side so the physio staff are working on this - no one can tell us when or if this will ever return so obviously our concerns are what will happen in the future. She also looks so very frail and its so awful to see her like this. I just feel so very sad all the time at the moment and its so hard to take in all that we have been through as a family and on the verge of tears most of the time. But you have to keep strong and positive and I dont want my Mum to see me like this so we try and be jolly when we go in. So sadly now its just a waiting game and see what the next few weeks bring. Hopefully and positive outcome.

So our daily routine at this time is work, basic boring house stuff and then hospital visits. I did take Kieran up to Silverstone this weekend as the team I work for were racing there in the British GT so it was good to see him relaxing and having a good time after all he's been through. Got some great photos of him with our Grid Girls which bought a big smile to his face.

I have tried to get my gear on and go out running but the running mojo has abandoned me at the moment. I still just feel numb by everything that has happened and my head is all over the place. I'm already panicing as I feel I will get so out of shape & with Snowdonia looming!! But I just dont seem to have the energy. I suppose even a 2 miler would be a start though so maybe this weekend??

It is amazing how your friends and family rally round you at these times and I wouldnt have got through it without them all and that includes all the wonderful support from my realbuzz family. You will never know how much your words of comfort and support have helped me. I must also thank the police, paramedics and hospital staff who have so far looked after Mum as they have all been fabulous and so very often undervalued in all they do. And not forgetting my wonderful husband Tony who yet again has been by my side every step of the way, always that constant support. 

I have been trying to keep up to date on FB with all your brilliant feats as easier to pop on there sometimes - especially the AS Buzzers in WYASO so well done again all & again my apologies I was not there with you this time.

And although I have not managed to read any blogs I bet there are still fabulous achievements being made by you all. So I applaud you in my absence.

So although I am out of the RB running club for now I will be back and hopefully with bells on!!!

Thank you for reading my ramblings on but just wanted to catch up with you all.

xxxxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

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