Battery Life

Posted on: 01 Oct 2017

It’s Marathon Time Again.

Corr blimey – haven’t blogged for a long time have I?

Many are the reasons for that.

But here we are, on the Monday before the marathon that is coming up on Sunday.

The first of 2 for me this month.

The first, and quite likely last, for my Clair.

(She’ll probably kill me for calling her that – wait a minute – that might be a way out of getting these runs done, get killed – hang on though, I’ve paid the entry fee haven’t I – and we all know the rules about that)

To be honest, even with 2 marathons to prepare for, running has been way down my list of priorities. Life has been chaotic and complicated of late.

I thought it was bad before, trying to split myself in 3 at the weekends – some time for my daughter, some time for the boy, some time for me to get out for my running, but somehow it always got done.

Suddenly though, I’ve a woman in my life that actually wants to spend time with me, and in truth I’m quite lost when I’m not spending time with her. Maybe I’ve always been lost. Certainly in my lifetime the happiest I’ve ever been has been when I’ve been with Clair.

Turns out I can’t split myself into 4.

Not that I want to.

I think since I’ve got back together with Clair it has compounded in my mind how precious our life truly is, and how precious little time we actually have to spend with our nearest and dearest. I find myself wanting to spend more time with everyone, then in reality, I’m not achieving that, not anywhere near. I’m very much feeling like butter. I’ve been kept in the fridge for years, now the temperature’s right but the bread’s still getting broken ‘cause I’m being spread about too thin.

No-one is doing this to me, it is all inside my own head.

When it comes to the crunch, the one place I really want to be is snuggled up in bed with my Clair. 13 years of it have gone missing. 13 years I know aren’t coming back.

After 10 years trapped in a marriage without love, without sex, you think I want to get up and go for a run when I can snuggle up with the woman I love, and she’s loving me right back?

Injury has played its part too. My knee, then my left foot, my left ankle, foot and ankle both together, and that chronic ache at the top of my hamstring shows no sign of ever relenting.

Half marathon is as far as I’ve got this time in training, and unlike for other marathons previous, this time, I have a real strong sense of self doubt.

Even though I couldn’t run far last October, and I knew with that knee I’d be walking and also lucky if I got as far as Beddgelert, I felt better, and fitter, than I feel now.

On the other hand, this is a one time only for Clair. Against a backdrop of what are always going to be very difficult circumstances for her (maybe it will get easier if our future plans unfold in the way we’ve spoken of) she has got out there and managed to do those all important long runs – the bread and butter runs of any self respecting marathon training plan.

She has done enough to know that marathons won’t be her thing. There’s no joy for her in the long run. At school she was a sprinter of some talent, and I can still see that power and strength in her stride now. It does fade though as the miles mount up, and I have seen how the joy is sucked out of what she is doing.

She’s done great though, she’s battled on and fought hard. 15, 16, 18 miles, 20. I’ve had the privilege of running with her on some of these longer runs, if only for part of the way. Turns out we’re not that great together when we’re running.

I’m sure the more times we do it the more used to eachother we’d become and we’d learn how to deal with eachother’s ways – or maybe not. It’s the only time she really gets to herself, so it might always be better if I don’t encroach on that all important “me time” we all need.

Sadly she has picked up an injury too, and it sounds very much to me like a stress fracture in her foot.

She’s still determined to do that marathon though – so come next Sunday, we’ll be there.

And we will stand upon that start line, and we will give it our very best shot.

If Realbuzzers were batteries – you lot are Enduracells every day of the week (like what I did there?)

Turns out I’m an imposter – definitely a Never Ready!

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