Let the past go and step on into the future

Posted on: 14 Feb 2018

I don’t know how many times I have started this Blog in my head, normally when I am driving or inconveniently at 3am when the words and sentences flow freely, and then when I come to put fingers to keyboard all these words have miraculously all evaporated.  Normally my Blogs are full of anecdotes of my running mishaps and adventure, extreme races or scrapes I’ve got myself into, alas at the moment I am struggling on many levels and I have no such sagas to regale.  Don’t get me wrong not every run had a tale, more often than not it was; I started, I ran, I finished.  These days I’d be happy with that!

Before I go on I do know I am extremely lucky in life and in general I have my health, I have a lovely home and a wealth of friends.   But what a difference 12 months make.  This time last year I thought I was happy, in hindsight I wasn’t really, I was then told I wasn’t loved, I discovered deceit, for the first time I pulled out of events, I lost my mojo and confidence so I would only train on my own and then I was finally diagnosed with asthma.  As I said small fry compared to many, and I am very aware of this, but in my little bubble it was at times and still is a lonely little bubble.  Living on your own has many advantages and I can hear many friends now saying how they’d love to come home to a quiet, tidy and calm house but sometimes I would love to come home to noise and have someone to sound off to and tell them about my day. 

Asthma is still a learning curve which I am struggling with, especially with the cold weather and wind.  During this cold spell I am out of breath after the slightest exertion and then suffer thereon after.  So far this year I have had to abandon a club 5 mile time trial as I had an asthma attack, at Bramley 20 on Sunday on the last 5 miles when I was meant to be increasing my pace it instead dropped by over 2 minutes per mile after I got hit head on with a cold wind on an uphill and on my latest bike ride I heavy breathed, coughed and spluttered my way round.   I am just getting very despondent and have somewhat lost heart.

Social media can be a blessing and a curse too.  Triumphs and all successes should be celebrated and noted, and I am truly happy to see photos of my fellow runners beaming after a training run or race and reading of new personal bests and other achievements.  I just wish I could join in, I want to be part of that happy gang again.

Strangely I can write this all down in a Blog but would struggle to sit down face to face with someone and tell them, I would end up making a joke of it all and laugh it all off.  But now I have written it all down, it is there in black and white, I can now look back at this Blog and read my words and realise that it’s not that bad.  So my running is not where I want it to be, I still fall off of bikes, my swimming continues at the same pace it did 6 months ago and I still only have two gears when it comes to speed; 1st gear and reverse, but then that’s me.  I just need to remember to be grateful for everything I do have, celebrate that I can and I am still out there running, cycling and swimming and as it looms ahead embrace the last year of my 40’s.

Sorry a very self-indulgent Blog but one I needed to write so I can look back on it if I start feeling sorry for myself again.

Finally I was sent this to listen to, Steve Angello - Rejoice (feat. T.D. Jakes), and the lyrics have been truly inspiring (thank you Claire!).  Here’s the link and words below if you want some inspiration too.

https://youtu.be/deo_Cq5Hbd8

[Verse 1]

You have to fix the mind before you can bestow the blessing

Because until they get their mind right

Everything you invest in them is going to leak out

Of the crevices of a mind that refuses to change

Look at your neighbour and ask them

"Do you have a mind to change?"

Wait for an answer

If they said no, drag them to the altar

Tell them they've got till midnight to get that fixed

They've got till midnight to dump out all jealousy

All pettiness, all unforgiveness, all strife, all malice, all confusion

All blaming other people for your mistakes

You've got till midnight to get rid of every poison

That's hindering you, every inflexibility that's stopping you

From what God is about to pour into your life

War be onto you if you're going into another year and

Waste another year with the old mentality

While somebody's in the hospital begging God

For the opportunity that you have right now

You better step into this moment

[Verse 2]

Put your hand on your head and say, "Give me a new mind"

Give me new mind means give me a new perspective

Give me a new perspective

Give me a new way of looking at my situation

Give me a new way of looking at my circumstances

Get my mind ready for this year

Because when I get this year there's gonna be blessings

There's gonna be miracles, there's gonna to be opportunities

Oh, yes, it's gonna be some struggles

It's gonna be some challenges

It's gonna be some tests

But even the struggles are an opportunity for me to show off

The victory if my mind can handle the change

[Pre-Chorus]

‌Do you have the mindset to be blessed?

You have to decide to be blessed

You have to decide, "You know what, this is a day

That the Lord have made, I will rejoice

And be glad that I will rejoice"

Let the past go and step on into the future

Everything that's inflexible and everything that's not ready Everything that's backwards and everything that's negative and Everything that's condescending and everything that's carnal and Everything that's holding me back

I refuse to take it over into another year and waste another

New year with an old mind where the devil is alive

[Chorus]

I will rejoice

I will rejoice

I will rejoice

[Verse 3]

Woah, Dorothy, I wanna tell you

You could've been home a long time ago

As soon as you decide to stop looking for answers in other People and miracles somewhere down the yellow brick road

And click the heels of your mind and set your affections

On things that are more

You could have been free years ago

[Chorus]

I will rejoice

I will rejoice

I will rejoice

[Verse 4]

Look at your innocence, you don't have to get out of trouble

Tell them you don't have to get out of trouble before midnight

You just have to get your mind out of trouble

If you can get your mind out, you can get your money out

You get your family out, you can get your job out

You get your carrier out, you can get health out

You can get your prosperity out, if you can get your mind out

No devil in the hell, no weapon formed against you

No enemy that hates you, no witch that hexes you

Can stop you from being free if you can get your mind out

Grab yourself by the head and say, "We're coming out of there"

[Chorus]

I will rejoice

I will rejoice

I will rejoice

 

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