Every book ive ever read has always had a final chapter. Every film ive ever watched always has an 'ending'scene. Every sporting event ive witnessed always end with a final whistle or a buzzer.
So what does 'final' or 'end' mean? When do we know we are done? How do we make that decision to stop,at what staeversege is it best to stop?
The writer of the book could have maybe finished it 17 pages earlier but decided not too? The film director could have cut the film short and not dragged it on for too long?
I should have finished my very own book,film,sporting event running hand in hand with mrs h at snowdon last year. That was the perfect time for this madness to stop,I had many people screaming at me to end it there. I was advised by many that THAT moment was as good as it was going to get. Nothing left to prove, No one could have begrudged me resting up and enjoying my running retirement right there and then. But i didnt, It didnt seem the right time to do so. I felt i had more to give, i felt i could maybe get a few more races out.
2018 was a chapter that never should have been written, but it was and boy am i glad my pen still worked. I got the chance to get yve my mrs h around the liverpool 5k in her first race since fighting cancer, i got the chance to run with my sister and tricia and our realbuzz champ kat at richmond park and raise money for my mums memorial bench at the home that cared for her in her final days and has cared for my dad for 3 years now. I got the chance to run with my son sam in his first ever mud run in brentwood,the memories made between father and son on that day ill never ever forget,it was a chance for me to welcome in the new as the old was tiring badly. I got the chance to get my eldest daughters boyfriend joe around the toughest marathon in britain in snowdon.Yes job done in all of them. But now i must put my pen down and let the ink run dry.
Quite simply life has now become my greatest enemy, it was my hips, trying to run when you have cam lesions and bones rubbing together making holes in each other due to my having torn labrum and not very much else to protect it was bloody horrible but in a perverse way so much bloody fun too. Every day i defied this pain,i wouldnt wish it on anyone. THAT pain became my fire,my drive,my fuel,my ink to my pen. I would defy medical logic due to the powerful mind i have built over the years,im so proud of my mind,i smile when i think how tough my mind is,its my greatest achievment. I would run,i would blog,i would inspire,i would push you all,i would tell you not to listen to pain,but to defy it,i would tell you that once youve pushed through and defied your body then ANYTHING is possible,you can achieve ANYTHING. You listened,you saw it could be done,you saw first hand and read about someone you could relate too doing things that couldnt be done and you then knew it could be done. Ive never lied or pretended to be someone im not in the 6 years ive been on here,ive had to get rid of some,they were bad apples,i didnt like them and as you made me head coach it was my duty to stamp on some people quickly,they soon left. We only wanted the very best on here,the very best do not brag,the very best do not belittle others, the very best do not put others down to make themselves look good, well they dont on my watch anyway.
But........those of you reading this right now know how to push through pain,know how to get the job done,know how to defy logic and sometimes medical logic and your the ones who are now inspiring others and are now ALL good enough,if not better at being head coaches then i could ever be. That means i can take my own foot off the gas,sit back,and now take on my toughest race yet, LIFE. Its hit me hard for a while now and the blows keep on coming.Once you see the first cloud coming you may just put on your coat,another cloud comes and it starts raining so you put up your umbrella,the wind whips the brolly out your hand so you put up your hood,you look to the skies and its now black,you cant see any blue,you hunker down waiting for the storm to pass,you cant physically walk forwards as the storm is too strong, your praying it will pass,you take a knee,its wobbled you,its not grounded you but you curl up into a ball so it cant harm you,it keeps on coming,theres nothing else you can do to keep warm,all the clothes are soaked,all your bones are bashed from the debri from the storm,your mind is at its end due to the concentration needed to survive,but then you know the biggest storm is yet to come,what do you do? well ,its time for me to now stand back up,as best i can,as tall as i can and walk head first with my arms open and bearing my teeth and walk as fast as i can right into the middle of that son of a bitch.The only way i can survive is to fight,not flight.....FIGHT.
Thats where i am right now,running and helping others need to take a back seat , dont worry if i go quiet for a while because where im going to go in the upcoming weeks has no signal. Its just me v life. one on one. What will happen on the other side? i dont know.i may come out a new man or i may come out a broken man.
I just want you all to know how proud i am of ALL of you. One day you will look back at your list of achievements and you wont know how you done them.you wont have a clue. You will feel like someone else done them and gave you the praise. Nope.....YOU done it all by yourself,yes you had the greatest team with the greatest team mates in the world on your shoulders but ultimately it was YOU who had the choice whether to fight or flight. be so proud of yourself that you FOUGHT.
Godspeed team realbuzz.
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