John's training diary by Jonners

It's 3 years since I first stood on the start line in the Manchester, not quite believing I was there. Since then I've always looked forward to the 3rd Sunday in May. But in 2010 it didn't quite feel the same. Over the last few months, ever since that Sunday morning last September in Sheffield, I've been trying very hard to overcome the problems that I experienced that morning. In a way I have, I've got back to running despite saying things to the contray at the time, but just as it seems that I've overcome everything, something comes along to throw me back and after careful thought and speaking to one or two people I've concluded enough is enough. The major hurdle has been hydration.  During the long winter, runs had been confined to the treadmil and has been convenient to have a litre of water by my side. The problem re-surfaced when I returned outside. Couldn't go far without my mouth in particular becoming very dry. Yes, I took a bottle with me but was restricting in far I could go. In total contrast my other "love", cycling was heading in the other direction, hydration just wasn't a problem. Transporting up to 3 litres of water with me just isn't an issue. Added to the fact that taking 2 or 3 breaks on long distance rides does not upset my rhythm in any way. By early April the runs were being confined to inside and the bike had now completely taken over outside.

As well as the hydration problem, the way my body is reacting to both disciplines couldn't be more different. There no stiff legs even after doing up 50 miles on the bike, yet do a small run, the legs soon stiffen up. Lack of support at the gym proved to be the final nail in the running's coffin. But we will not go into that. So by mid-April I made up my mind up that the GMR 2010 would be my swansong.

So we come to last Sunday and what will be my final run in public. For once I was going to try and enjoy myself. This year I would be in the white start wave, but whether I was in the pink it wouldn't have mattered. The build up to start had always been part of the day,but the long wait to the off, had started to make me feel very anxious but I taken plenty liquid beforehand and felt quite hydrated to at least to get me to the first water station. So at the stoke of 1055 the white wave were off, but took me a good 10 minutes to get through the start area, had quite realised how far back I was in the wave. So through the narrow start area and with literally 000s of others the start got pretty cramped, for first km I had to run on and off the pavement to avoid getting crushed so forget a PB.

So then up towards OT footy grounds and by now my mouth began to get very dry so from now it would be a battle of survival certainly up to the first water point was still some distance away, in fact it would be just under 5k. Greedily I managed to grab 2 bottles which were soon emptied. Si I neeeded to concentrate and get to next one, at about 7k,thankfully a run through shower was very welcoming at the 6k mark. Knowing that this was last water point, I again grab 2. 1st disappeared quickly but used the 2nd one more conservatively. Then the kick for home at about 7.5k but I still had 1 psychological barrier to overcome ...8k, this where went all so badly wrong back in September, and there was brief moment when I thought it's going to happen all over again. But this time at least I could see the finish. At about 8.5k the marshallers were handing out jelly babies and even venosline cream both extremely welcome just to give a final boast towards the end. I was now counting down the metres, got to admit all thoughts of not finishing had disappeared. So up to the finish in Deansgate as always the noise of the crowd was deafening. The end was insight...never before has a finishing line been so welcoming. After crossing it, I just throw my arms in the air in sheer relief.

Knew the time wasn't the best, was never going to be. Knew that before the start. For the record it  was 52'59".  For me it was about just finishing and not ending up in a back of an ambulance this time. 

Now that dust has settled abit I'm still not regretting it being my last one. When I got home was just totally shattered. Monday, after a Hot Stone Massage, was spent sleeping. The dry mouth in the opening K's has re-enforced my thinking that it's not worth it anymore. Been on 30 mile bike ride only this morning and there were no problems.

As for the immediate future there is a new and very exciting challenge to "worry" about . I'm aiming to do the Manchester to Blackpool bike ride... 64 miles on 4th July and I can't wait to do that. If that goes well, the plan is to do more similar ones. No point in jumping to far ahead.

The title says "its all over" and it is. I couldn't have imagined in 3 years I would have run 10 10k's, 1 half marathon, and 1 1/4 marathon, but for me it's time to move on from the running. I still want it to be a part of my fitness but it is doing me more harm than good both physically and mentally and my GP is getting very concerned again.

Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting on my ups and down over last few years. It has helped me get through to the bitter end.

Well after what seems a lifetime plus more I've finally rejoined the outdoor running brigade. Today was the final day to take up my therapist's challenge of running outside before my next appointment which is tomorrow - Wednesday.

The object of today was just go out for very short while, just to lay the ghost of the 6th September finally to rest and prove to myself I'm still capable of running. Wanted to do this on familiar ground so had arranged with Sarah to come with me just to reassure me & be there just in case.

With the wind blowing a gale..and light rain falling we set out on what would just a 2 mile run or in Sarah case a 2 mile bike round around the village. From the first steps all the fears that been with me for the past 79 days just suddenly vanished. There was a spring in my steps and felt real good from the off. For what's it's worth it did just over 15 minutes but today was just getting back into something that I now know I have dreadfully missed these last 3 months.

Sarah rode either behind or with me the whole way so she could have a look my style and she very impressed with what she saw. I just felt I was very heavy at times with my feet. Maybe that due to running on treadmill alot recently. But overall it did go better than I thought it would. Had visions for giving after a short while.

Hopefully things are finally moving in the right direction, these last few months have seen some terrible lows. But thanks to a wonderful team of people who just refused to give up on me I've made huge strides forward in getting back particularly into the running mode. The only slight cloud on the horizon is that the injury to my hand maybe more serious than at first thought. The wound is fully healed and the bandage is now off. But there is nasty lump which whilst not painful is causing me some discomfort particularly if any pressure is applied. Possibility that I may have chipped a bone so off to see my GP tomorrow morning for her to assess it. Got this horrible feeling an trip to x-ray dept may be on the cards. Had hoped there was no need to involve my GP but she's the only one who can fully assess any damaged done.

Today was a small but very significant step towards getting me to that start in HL. Will now slowly build up the distance and more important the confidence. But we will be there.

Tomorrow taking my mum to the theatre in Manchester. Looking forward to that and then on Friday going to see and meet my favourite singer in Bury.Thursday and Friday daytime will be gym class time. Then on Saturday we are having a tree planting ceremony in memory of my Dad. So overall a very busy week. Hopefully find time weather permitting do another run outside.

Take care if you are running outside. I only went today because of the deadline and it was a bit blowy and wet.  

John

By my calculations it's 180 days since the world of internet blogging last heard anything of me.. and even doing this I've had major doubts about doing which may hopefully come over the course of the entry

So here goes...  after the highs of 17th May in Manchester the old nemesis of lack of self confidence,esteem and belief all combined to make the summer of 2009  a fairly bad one. 3 days after Manchester I was supposed to have my annual colonscopsy which was perfect timing but less than 48 hours before, it got cancelled and got put back til mid June. In an instant for what reason my confidence just went on a vertical drop. When it happen a month later..a  simple day stay test turned into a overnight stop. Had breathing problems and it was thought better to keep me in 24 hours as a precaution. What I didn't realise that the problem would back to haunt me spectacularly later on in the summer. Because of the reschedule and the problem I had, there was anyway I could do the other Manchester in early July.So all efforts were put into getting me ready for the GYRin early September. Cutting the story short, by mid August any confidence I was really ebbing at an alarming rate. So after countless visits to see myGP, it was decided to re-refer me back to my counsellor..I had finished with her back in mid June but things needed sorting once and for all.

By now I was having major doubts about doing the GYR. I wouldn't be seeing my counsellor until after the race but I still had things to settle with the course and considering everything, training was going well. But we are in and we will do it...or that was the plan unfortuantley this where the real problems started to happen.

It is still very hard for me to talk, let alone write about what happen in Sheffield that morning and it's only in the last few weeks thanks to a wonder group of people that I've come to terms with what . So here goes. All was looking good when I arrived in Sheffield..a cloudy but warm morning..an ideal morning to run the streets of Sheffield and end the year on real high. My one and only problem was the hilly finish but had been doing alot of hill work with Sarah so even that fear had been erased and was out to do a course PB..but little did I know by mornings end my love for running would be in total shreds. Everything was on cousre until about 1.5k from home, I just setting myself for the final fling when without warning my breathing went out of totally out of control....but my reaction was well..take it easy you are nearly home..then suddenly I lost all sense of where I was...decision time do I quit now or do I finish even it means I walk it. Think a bit of self pride crept in and after a drink of water which a lady spectator very kindly gave me I decided I would walk tofinish. With this self pride at stake..I decided to run the last 200 meters but it proved to be a bad mistake..after literally crawling over the line..the breathing problems started again and what turn out to a panic attack..I literally kneeled over and collaspsed. Thankfully there were medics nearby and was put into an ambulance and given medical attention on the spot. Gladfully I didn't need to be sent to hospital but was advised to go at the earliest opportunity and see my GP and until I seen her, no hard excerise. But even now the love for running had disappeared down the plug..my mind had made it's mind up and said to the rest of me..no more and thus began the worst of worst of the last 6 months. I got set into thinking that even hearing or seeing the word I just wasn't interested.. Once my GP has give me the all clear and she was happy with the ECG and blood tests that she requested I was more than happy to just go back on the bike and go swimming..running and me would go our separate ways, nobody would ever persuade me back. But I reckon without a team of people that wouldn't take no for answer.

I had convinced Sarah that I needed a total break from running and she accepted it and thought well if I con her could I fool anybody. How wrong I was. Think they call it letting your guard down. At the beginning of October my appointment with Holly had come through and by now even mentioning the "R" word was out of bounds but knew would come up but I thought it would just fill 5 minutes of the session but she had other ideas..she practically turn it into a 1 subject session basically she wanted start talking about it..she could see I was in distress I tried desparately to avoid the subject but she wasn't going to give in. By the end of that hour I had somewhat reluctantly agreed that I would least read about. I was going for lovely relaxing Spa break and when I came back we would see where we were heading. But I could even see now she wasn't going let it go.

So a few days later I packed my things and headed off to the North Leicestershire for a week and here events would take a dramatic turn. I've often said Champneys Springs was a magical place but this stay would outdo the previous ones. 2 totally unconnetced events would soon have me back on the running road. The 1 reason I had turned against running was because so far I hadn't had a real conviencing explainationof why what happened..did happen. The medics said  I was dehydrated but couldn't accept that as I drank well before the race..drank during it. All people could say "well it can't be this,can't that". The ECG proved the heart was OK, the blood tests shown everything was OK.  All I wanted was for somebody to tell want HAPPEN. Not what didn't happen.

Thankfully the staff at Springs came up with a possible to frankly the only cause. Even when I arrived the "R" word was still considered out of bounds despite Holly's best efforts. But during the course of my first day, little cracks were begining to appear in my resistance. By the end of that day the flood gates would be open. Started with conversation with the Spa manager, someone who I can open up to. She suggested seeing a member of fitness team who knows a thing about this sort of thing. So thought well no time like the present..so went to the reception and this member wasn't there but there was a lovely lady called Kim who I found out later was into sports psychologyand whom I had only met for the first time earlier on in the day, she was packing up to go home, but she asked whether she could help so told her the story and within a few minutes she was explaining to me what may have happened andfirst time in  weeks I begining to understand fully the events of that morning. She had dismissed both the dehydration and blood sugar theories. What happen was is probably this. I must have had some kind of chemical reaction within my body probably caused by stress which triggered the heavy breathing, that in turn starved my brain of oxygen which caused the servere light headiness. At the end, the 2nd wave was made worse by a big panic attack which my body just couldn't cope with.

Just hearing this explaination totally transformed my attiude to the running and by the end of our hour conversation she convinced to back to the running. I said there 2 events, the second was shall we say was not excatly planned. On the Sunday morning with me feeling so much more postive about myself..I decided to go on a bike ride and explore the lovely Leicestershire countryside. Just as I was finishing I had a nasty accident..fell off and badly injured my left hand. After being wonderfully cared for by the staff.It suddenly dawned on me that there will no cycling or swimming for a considerable while..so it be would a choice between doing nothing or running. Thankfully I decided to restart the running. Before I left many members of the fitness team including "the boss" did take time out to reasure and remind me that what happen in Sheffield really was out of my control.

Since coming home I have kept my side of the baragin that I struck with the staff. Done several sessions on the treadmills including 3 10k runs..something even that I've not done beforeusly. Only today I did one in 49'11" run..which is my 4th ever fastest ever time 10k run. The only problem still is running outside. Something that I am finding very difficult to do. But again Holly is helping me with that. At our last session last week she challenged just do 10 minutes nothing more. Got to admit this is a huge barrier to overcome. Thankfully Sarah is coming to the rescue, after a stern lecture after spin last night she has convinced me to go outside again. She even offered to come with me which I have accpeted. So the plan is now before I see Holly which on the 25th of this month I should have completed a outdoor run.

As for the injuries, not quite recovered, the hand is still strapped up with a bandage, so still no swimming but I'm back on bike if only the spin ones. But it's given plenty time to back into running mode. I have a real buzz about once again.

As for the future well..it depends very much  on how I feel on running outside. But I am working towards doing HL in February..that option of not doing it, is no longer. To many people are invloved now in preparing me for it. Can't let them down. Go to have a Spa break just before HL. Apparently Springs are having some running days in January and February and have been ask to go. Desparately what to do something with the bike next year..couple of ideas being worked already. But play those close to my chest for the time being. Going to take 1 challenge at a time.

I'm very fortunate particularly in the last few weeks to have people to go out of their way to get me back to somewhere like I was earlier on in the year. Whether I get back to dizzy heights of Manchester only time will tell. But I'm going to give a damm good try and that's what people only asking for.

Sorry for the long and sometimes long winded entry but it has been an almighty struggle to get this far and as I said before I'm so so grateful to so many people to getting me even to this stage. Even running by Christmas was considered an outside bet but it's amazing what you can achieve with bit of hard work.

I said at the begining that it has been hard to write this and it's taken several attempts to do it but done I've done it so perhaps it's time to back to regular blog writing as well as the running. A new start.

John

Now that I've had time to calm down abit..here's my full account of 2009 GMR.

Firstly thanks to everyone for your lovely comments to my brief entry yesterday...they made me realised what a very special "family" we all are, sticking together through the good times but more importantly when things don't quite to plan....

To yesterday and what a day it turn out to be a great day once again...Dawn was early in east Cheshire, woke up just before 6 to clear blue skies, and first thoughts yes the weatherman have got it wrong, it's going dry race but hope turn to worry within a few minutes as grey clouds started to form, so the 1st major decision of the day...Do I run in weatherproofs or take a risk?....in the end a sort of comprise, normal running top but will wear shorten running tights ISO shorts with waterproof coat on standby just in case..

As usual wanted to be in Manchester nice and early to sample the race build up. Arrived at just 8 as the city centre was waking up...but a change in routine this year, even though I was the first wave I still had an hour to kill before the assembly point opened,usually after parking the car I usually go to start line and sample the unique atmosphere that is the GMR but decided to head to G-Mex mainly because "the realbuzz team" were gathering there and a final chance to speak to the Powerade guys who were there as well. After a little wander around the charity village and time ticking slowly by...I heard a familar voice its was our Sharon with her boys,along with Pam and Chris..it may strange but it was great to see familar faces as nerves  were starting to kick in big time...Over the course next 30 minutes more familar faces showed up and  the nerves soon disappeared...also good to meet Lolli finally for the first time if it only for a few minutes.

At 0915 it was time to say goodbye and start wandering back to the start line. Blast off for me was less than a hour away..but just walking back to Portland Street, you sensed the excitement in the air building, literally thousand's and thousand's of people whether running or watching making a small contribution to a great sporting spectacle.

Finally made it to my assembly point....a final goodbye to my mum,decided to risk the weather.. but despite being with ,.1000s of other runners I was now on my "own" for next 90 minutes..all that training would put to it's greatest test yet..Had still had thoughts about failing today..surely a repeat of last year couldn't be possible..but I had to go through with it now, no going back, it me against the streets of Manchester for next hour or so..

0945..wheelchair race gets underway, shortly followed by the eilite women didn't taken much notice of that..deep in that thought of what was about to happen.

0955 . Pre race entertainmet from opera singer Russell Watson followed by the pre-race warm up..but it hard to follow it, as masses of runners in narrow streets made it difficult unless you wanted bash your "next door neighbour" so to speak..

1000 elite men introduced to the crowd.....

1005 Off we go, forget nerves, this was it...0 zero had arrived...slowly and surely the masses of the orange wave moved forward, elite men off in their own battle, leaving the rest to fight it out. If there was a "black mark" against this event it was the starting area. Typical city centre streets not really built for 1,000s of runners, rumours were that a change might the case this year...but it was usual scrum down towards the Chester road...runners including myself forced at times to run on the pavement just to avoid running into others.....One of the great features of this race are the 1,000s of spectators that line the course but this year they excelled themselves, a loud wall of noise hit you ,people clapping,blowing whistles, shouting & bands playing,quite unbelievable but this was just the beginning. At 1 mile got onto the Chester Road,the women already heading back towards to the finish.Usually by now things begin to pan out but still had to run on the pavement for short sections....2K, the start of the longish climb up to Old Trafford...psychological point no1,the first real test of my training.In the past considered a possible downfall point, this year sailed through with flying colours..gave me a great boast early on.. Through 3k towards the footy ground,psychological point no2, it roughly here that my left calf stiffen up last year, but surely lightening doesn't strike twice...survived it thank god... Through 4k and down towards the football ground and a change of course, in past years we would run underneath the ground but this year all change, straight across the front and down towards Salford.... At 5k first of 2 water stations, and boy was I ready for it..had been suffering a dry mouth since about 3K so I was grateful for some liquid.. Took bottles 2, 1 for a drink and managed to grab a second to be used to cool the body down abit, seemed do to the trick..least only another 2k to the next one..The next 2K or so were also new, an extension down towards the Imperial War Museum and beyond to allow for us not running under the football ground and also that we wouldn't be running alongside the canal this year due to the narrowness of the area....at about 6.5k was the welcome sight of the run through shower.Thought it came slightly later around the 2nd water station. Was begining to feel the first signs of tiredness at this stage but once through the shower although brief it seemed to refresh & ignited me for the final drag home. 7K brought the the second hilly bit again a struggle in the past got through without any problem. Took on water again, 2 bottle job again...first was used as cool down and the second as liquid in take which I ran with for a while...Plan now was to kick for home...but just when I reached the top of the Chester Road, out of now where really ,we were confronted with a strong head wind, something I wasn't planning on. Psychological point no3, for a while I heard my brain say..."can't do this...got to stop" but thankful only on Wednesday whilst out on the bike I encountered worse conditions and got through that if only just...But the rest of me wasn't in mood to give up..come to far, to much at stake..OK the chance of a PB might have been blown but least I've got to finish.

Through 8k, the famaliar city skyline growing ever larger, almost home......9k reached 1,000m to go....and all of sudden another wall noise hits you...just masses and masses of people cheering you home..800m crowds growing by the metre...marshallers shouting only 4 laps of  the track to go..nice to see they have a sense of humour...400 meters a final final lurch for line...totally knackered but driven by the crowds...200 metres another wall of noise, first sight of the line..under the 2 railway bridges, a final dash for that line and I'm there...home safely if any only just...managed to drag myself away from the finish line, but felt I needed to catch my breath..was offered a sick bag by the medics but not required just needed to gather my bearings..

After a few minutes I was well enough to start walking away and get my goody bag, when all of sudden a lady reporter from KEY103 radio station wanted to a live interview with me...had to think about for a second or two but thought what  the hell, so I spent a few minutes answering her questions...one which was rather embarrassingly what time I've had done...I didn't know immediately cause I had forgotten to look at my watch as I finished...so after a slight pause I quickly looked down the watch & it was here that I realised for the first time that I may have done a PB..All of sudden all the tiredness suddenly disappeared and elation kicked in..but a slight worry that the watch may be wrong..could have easily stopped somewhere..but no hadn't been uncover for long enough..I was confident it was right.....and boy did I begin to celebrate..all the hard work of last few months had been worth it.

After collecting my well earned goody bag it was time to find my mum. The excellent organisation of the event meant it didn't take long to find her...by now I was grininng like a Cheshire Cat who has nicked all the cream..it was now sinking in that I've achieved the impossible once again..but still kept checking the watch...just in case....but I did final convince myself yes it was mission accomplished.

After coming down slightly from cloud 9...text Sarah just let her know..did promise good or bad..then after a quick snack, a quick visit to the Powerade guys just to let them know..then it was back to Deansgate to join the 1,000s of spectators  watching the rest of the runners come home and was then where you really appreciate the part they played in the specatcle.. Just one mass of humanity from one end to the other....just an amazing sight... Finally settled at a spot underneath 1 of the rail bridges at the bottom end of Deansgate, which was very handy cause it began to rain very heavy yet runners were coming through soaked to the skin yet smiling and acknowledging the large crowds..These were real heros and heriones of the 2009 GMR

Finally as the last of runners came through decided to head for home...tiredness had creeped in and my bum had stiffed horribly and struggling to walk properly. But I had a great day..meeting with "realbuzz" gang again..sorry I missed some of you. Lining in the same starting group as Olympic champions and world record holders is experienced that I wouldn't thought about even 2 years ago.

But above all else getting a PB  has to be the greatest achievement this year..preparation for this year event I'm going to confess hasn't been ideal for various reasons...but I've been extremely fortuante and grateful to have people to be there when I've needed them. Everybody here who has taken the trouble to comment.. meeting up with "gang" on Sunday..you somehow managed to kill these nasty pre race nerves. The staff at JJB in Macclesfield who again have encouraged me to push myself that little bit farther. But there's one person whom without I can't achieve what I did on Sunday and that's Sarah. She has made all the difference to me in the last 12 months....she's had to "pick me up" on several occasions..yes we've had our little differences, only last Monday I threw a little tantrum but we always come out smiling and laughing at the end and days like yesterday make me realise why she makes me do things I don't really want to do but are necessary to do sometimes to achieve your goals.

Just for the record the offical splits time are:

3K:      14:02

5K:      23:28

7.5K:   35:42

10K:    47:36

Had been thinking that this may be the last time I may do the GMR and do something else next year...unfortunatley Macclesfield holds it's bikeathonon the same weekend...but there's a magnet that seems to draw me to the streets of Manchester in mid May and speaking with Sarah today, we have both agreed this event does brings out the best in me...

Well to done to everybody who ran in Manchester, plenty of PB's from the realbuzz team..and huge well done to Sharryn who at less 24hrs notice took on the streets of Manchester..and conquering some her fears...she just a star of this "community

So that's my account of the 2009 GMR...Superbly organised again and proven once again that Manchester can hold high class sporting events..in 2 minds what to do next, down to the other Manchester run in July but coming so soon after the GMR just feeling at the moment it may just be a bit of anti-climax...the next real challenge is GYR in early Septemeber..a bit of score to settle there still..