As soon as Aaron and I found out that we had been accepted on the Dumball Rally the very next activity we indulged in was opening eBay and bidding for the first hearse we clapped eyes on! I think you'll agree this is (was) a beautifully genuine 1983 Ford Granada 2.8ltr V6 hearse. We ended up picking the vehicle up from Glasgow of all places. God knows why we didn't choose a slightly more local place for our hearse purchasing antics, like Norwich or Diss, maybe even Peterborough or Yarmouth. But no, we chose one in Glasgow. Never mind it's only 750 mile round trip!

The dodgy character who sold us the Hearse lived in a real grotty place tucked away in a close next to an industrial estate and when we arrived it was pouring with rain.

As we exchanged a deal and handed the money over the supplier ran to his vehicle, wheel spun off, and when we tried to contact him he'd switched off his phone!!!  

Nice  :OI

With a 375 mile journey ahead of us, I followed Aaron in my van and he piloted the beast homeward. It had no heating on this cold, grey, wet, December afternoon.

After driving it for 5 minutes when picking up speed we realised that the gear box would not select its top gear and had a mind of its own. We limped home with the gearbox getting worse by the mile and after 7 hrs or so we were there. As hearses infrequently travel any faster than walking pace auto gearbox problems are very common.

After enjoying the pleasure of running her around for a few weeks the gearbox completely kicked the bucket, when I was sporting a casual wheel spin manoeuvre, may I add. I started looking for a new gearbox. The local scrap yard had a gear box and Reuben and I removed it from the scrapper and fitted it to our Dumball participant to-be. This gear box was good and I ran her around for a few months problem free……………. Until the engine blew up!

At this point we all started to lose faith in our wagon. But I pushed on and enquired with the local scrap dealer, Craig Pope who happens to be a Mk2 Granada freak and he has been a great help. We bought an engine from him, which coincidently came out of a hearse identical to ours in every way, so when it came to putting it in our car, it fitted like a glove. This engine has been in for only a few weeks now, but fingers crossed, it'll get us there!

The decoration is an amalgamation of what Reuben, Scott and I wanted: flames. Aaron insisted on, pink. Honest.

We're not gay, just a little bit poofy………