No Rest until Blackheath Common by nigeruns

Running with the breaks on.....Part 1

Is it me, but it appears that Mother Nature has got it wrong again....? Is it me, or has spring sprung early this year, which is a question that I ask as I stagger through the woods. The bushes look greener than they were last week, and echoing in the tree top is what sounds like a hooligan with a football rattle.  This can be only the sound of the West Bromwich Albion supporting woodpecker with a identity crisis, it thinks it is a thostle, as it head bangs against the trunk of a tree, frustrated that someone has forgot to tell him that he should of migrated to warmer climes weeks ago.

Something is not right, and it has nothing to do with Mother Nature, as I am too banging my head against a brick wall, trying to comprehend why I have lost the concept of how to run...?  I feel like a Lego set and one of those Airfix construction kits that I used to build on a Saturday afternoon, when I would wile away my time gluing the wings of a Spitfire to its fuselage. Which once completed, I would then spend hours trying to unstick my fingers and thumbs from the kitchen table, much to my mothers delight. I was a happy child in those days, and I would bounce off the walls with enjoyment. If I did this today, and bounced off the walls, then I would be in rehab. Not for my addiction to construction kits, but for solvent abuse.

It is very strange, as all the elements are there. I have the legs of a 1500 metre runner, the lungs of a Montgolfier Brothers hot air balloon, and my arms pump like the pistons of the Flying Scotsman thundering up to Edinburgh. The problem that I have is, they are not all co-ordinating at the same time. I am running too fast and exhausting myself very quickly. Or I can't control my pace, and I get breathless. My chest feels strong, but then the legs don't work.

Now if we were talking about the mechanics of a Bugati Vayron, then it would be a problem with the tuning. You would have to take it to your local garage, were adjustments would have to be made, like, firstly removing the busty blonde dolly bird from the passenger seat, then getting a mechanic with a oily cloth to tinker with the differential. As I am not a expensive Italian sports car, forget the mechanic, and just let blonde dolly bird polish my big end with a oily cloth soaked in baby oil. Which I am sure would have the same desired effect as tinkering with the Vayron's turbo charger.

So, is Mother Nature a proud owner of a brand new Bugatti Vayron, as the seasons seem to fly past in 0 to 60 in 5 seconds. Some may say that the quicker passage of time is down to old age. While those green tree hugging folk, who jump up and down and proclaim that we were wrong to mock Great Uncle Bulgaria and the rest of the Wombling clan, blame global warming. But this is not answering the question to why my running body is not co-ordinating.

There was a egg headed boffin, who appeared on the radio this morning, who proclaimed to have an answer with a theory. It appears that this part of January is the most miserable and the most depressing time of year, a fact that the boffin had based a calculated formula on. He had based his calculation on the elements of the season.  For instance, the weather, which is getting us all down with the constant down fall of rain, and temperatures that would make Frosty the Snowman shiver in his wellie’s. Then there are the elements of SAD, season adjustment disorder, as I still find the dark mornings, and the dark cloak of evening oppressive. It continues to hang low like a heavy weight pressing down on me, and I live in fear of that if I get up too quickly I will bang my head on the sky, which is making me even more depressed.  So it is no wonder that the suicide rate in Sweden is sky high. I can sympathize with how the Swedes feel, as not only do they suffer from SAD, they drive around in Volvos and listen to Abba all day. Even more reason to top yourself.

The boffin also takes into account, debt, as at is this time of year when the bills come flooding in, and as you have spent your hard earned cash on a Nintendo Wii, socks and smelly stuff as Christmas presents, you await your next pay packet to clear your credit card bill.  Then we have all those bugs flying around, coughs, colds and things that make you splutter, like your credit card bill.  Also you have to take into account the stress of watching your favourite football team fight the relegation zone, and the fact, that of the hundred New Years resolutions that you made, you only have one that's left unbroken. It all adds up. Or in short you are suffering from = 1/8 W+(D-d) 3/8 x Tq Mx Na.

All well and good if you are suffering from the January blues, but it still doesn’t explain my plight, and why I am running with the breaks on. It doesn't explain the sudden lack of form or pace, and the reason why I can't run, so what is the answer.......?  To be continued.    (20/1/2008)