For those seeking straight forward blogging about running (which to be fair is the purpose of the Real Buzz VLM Blog!) please scroll right to the bottom ;-)

Be warned - this is a mega long post today...

Depending on your philosophical outlook on life, you may or may not agree that things in life have a funny way of happening for a reason. Sometimes, I feel sure the big Universe out there has a message for me and it’s trying hard to get through to me.

I suspect The Universe started off being terribly polite, making a discreet cough and whispering at me in a low-key way. This was quite easy to ignore. Then it started talking a lot more loudly like you do when you’ve had about four drinks at a house party. This too I dismissed, preferring to focus on the large bowl of pretzels on the drinks table.

Right about now, I feel like The Universe is standing right in front of me holding a megaphone and shouting very loudly at me saying “for goodness sake woman, maybe you’re meant to be doing something else with your life”.

Perhaps it is time to stop putting my fingers in my ears and going “la la la la la – can’t hear you”. My five-year-old daughter has this down to a fine art, so we probably don’t need two of us in the household upholding this practice.

I’m going to keep looking for work in parallel, as quite frankly, lofty ideals don’t pay for holidays or extras for the kids, but I have decided I am going to pursue two things:

I like writing, and many of you lovely bloggers keep saying nice things about my wafflings. I have been storing up chapters in my head along a certain theme and I’m going to start committing them to written format. Instead of vegging in front of the TV, I’m going to start taking a disciplined approach to writing. I used to do a lot in my youth (even winning a couple of short story competitions) and I feel a strong urge to do something about it. I really must sort out my attention to grammar however…I just write and dump J

Secondly, I’m going to dust off my half written business plan for business venture number two. Five years ago, I founded a successful online retail business in NZ. My husband and I built it up over three years (he ran it full time and I was a part time Director, still working on my marketing career), formed a partnership with a global brand and then sold it before we left NZ to move here. I’ve held off doing anything here due to a) the recession and b) the fact it will take a good 18 months to generate meaningful income and we need extra money right now – hence the standard job-hunting approach. But there is no reason not to start exploring it further.

I feel oddly energised just committing this thinking to paper.

The Universe is sighing with relief, has now put down the megaphone and has sloped off to have a well-earned cup of tea before it finds the next person to harangue.

So, anyway, back to real life for a moment…

This morning I went into school to do my relatively new Tuesday gig as parent help to listen to each child in my son’s class read. I got called into the office for a chat, as there was an issue with my CRB check apparently.

The fact I use my maiden name rather than my married name and I was born in Australia but have a New Zealand passport has caused the brain of the man who is processing my details, to short circuit.

Obviously, I would surpass all opportunities to use my false identity for drug running, arms deals or terrorism plots and opt for dodgy parent help opportunities at a small village school.

Once I slowly explained to the hapless man on the telephone that it is very common to keep your maiden name when marrying in NZ, and that my parents returned to live in NZ when I was one year old, that he started to accept my status. On reflection, I did start putting two and two together and wonder if that was why a large military plane was tailing me on my run last week. Now it all makes sense…

So, home from that madness to Round Two of Madness.

Trying to pay our Water Bill using the Voice Automated Software. With my Kiwi accent.

This did not go well. It would understand half of what I was saying, but when asking me “please confirm by saying either Yes or No”.

I confirm by saying, “Yes”.

It can’t cope with how I squash my vowels.

“I’m sorry I don’t understand that. Please confirm by saying “Yes or No”.

Because I am paying Wessex Water, I attempt a West Country Accent. It appears I am unable to pull this off.

“I’m sorry I don’t understand that. Please confirm by saying “Yes or No”.

I decide to have a bash at BBC Voice, thinking that Received Pronunciation is a definite goer. I say, “Yes” in the poshest voice I can muster. I even stand up when doing so as that makes me feel posher than sprawling on my sofa.

“I’m sorry I don’t understand that. Please confirm by saying “Yes or No”.

By now I am starting to lose it. I am trying to give these people my money and I can’t help how I speak. I scream, “YES!!!!!” down the ‘phone.

Voice Automation Software has clearly been programmed to accept “Irate Woman Accent” as the next thing I hear is:

“Thank you, your payment has been confirmed”

Aaarrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Oh yep, that’s right – running blogging…

Today’s schedule only called for a piddly little three mile run. It has been yonks since I have done a run as short as that, but it appears my plan is pacing me for my 18-mile run that I will do on Thursday.

So, three miles then along a stretch of the canal I rarely go to. I remember why that is now. It was deadly boring. But you can only climb onto the first rung of the Boredom Ladder  during 26 minutes of running. It takes a 20 miler to sway around on the top of your Boredom Ladder, whilst wishing you had guttering to mend or windows to wash instead of running for three hours.

Shin hurting again after my brief three miles. Instead of going into hysterical paroxysms of injury woe, I will attend to it in a mature manner. Unfortunately I have cooked up the last of the frozen peas and using a packet of McCains Potato Smiles is I suspect not recommended icing treatment…

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